Thanks kehlen_crow for the help with the translation. It happened that everybody but me didn't get luck with those technical texts. It took 15-20 minutes for each student to answer. The teacher wanted them to understand, but they had just a mess instead of translations. I found alot of schemes, pictures at work, I printed it and brought with me. I show it to the teacher before I started reading my translation. She said I had a brilliant translation. I noticed she put a mark to me into her documents even before I finished reading. The only word she corrected was "cutting process", but the rest as she said was perfect. So, Elen, you're a genius ;)
Also thanks to musstbedreaming and carriep63.

---

Спасибо kehlen_crow за помощь с переводом. Оказалась, что никто кроме меня и не справился с этими техническими текстами. Всех мучали по 15-20 минут, препод добивалась у них понимания, а у всех вместо переводов была какая-то бессвязная каша. Я на работе сегодня накопала схем, картинок, все это распечатала и принесла. Показала переподу перед тем как начала читать свой перевод. Она сказала, что у меня блестящий перевод. Я заметила, что я еще не дочитала первый абзац, а она в ведомости уже поставила оценку. Единственное слово, которое она мне поправила - это "закатка", ко всему остальному, как она сказала, ей было не придраться. Так что Ленка, ты гений ;)
Также спасибо musstbedreaming и carriep63.

bluesteel_44 sent it to me. And it's exactly the way how I work!! Clients tell exactly LIKE THIS. Every second client in our web-studio is like that!

Follow the link: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/design_hell

---

Это прислала мне bluesteel_44. И всё именно так и обстоит!! Клиенты именно ТАК и говорят. В нашей веб-студии какждый второй клиент - именно такой!

Читаем по ссылке: http://habrahabr.ru/blogs/htranslations/78744/

Damn.



Через коромысло, ага.

No one does anything for you until you kick them to do. What a poor service it is when you always have to ask everyone personally. But I'm not gonna tell about it now. I want to show what I bought for P!nk's gallery:



Пока не пнешь - никто ничего для тебя делать не будет. Ну что за сервис такой, везде приходится всех самой просить. Но я сейчас не об этом. Вот что я купила для галереи Пинк (картинка сверху)

and when I come back I see that mananath posted this picture of him and ... -_-

Yes, it's survey time again!

( Review of the year )

Thanks kehlen_crow for a postcard! It was unexpectedly. It's very nice, you surprised me. And that Santa Claus reminds me of Dumbledore :D

---

Спасибо kehlen_crow за открытку! Неожиданно! Очень приятно, удивила. А Дед Мороз мне Дамблдора напоминает :D

WinXP PC is dying, methinks. :(  It's started making horrendous noises when you start it up, like the howls of an animal in pain. This breaks my heart. :(

I had a scary nightmare last night. I'd been having some dream involving a hotel (which I don't remember clearly), and then I was in the lobby just about to leave, when a male staff member came in telling everyone to get safely inside. Apparently there was a crazed gunman out there massacring people in the street. 8/  It was awful to think he might burst into the hotel, and of course the dream felt totally real at the time.

I also had a-noth-er dream about a MacPhisto comeback - I'd found a recent video online, of an awards ceremony or something, and Mac was there, sounding more like Quentin Crisp than ever (I think he even had the same purple hair and hat!). But in all the important ways, he hadn't changed a bit. And I was thinking ooohhh, if he did this, there's no reason he can't appear on the tour as well. Of course we know how these dreams always end... with the waking world throwing a bucket of cold water over my joy. :(

Apropros of nothing (I just forgot to mention it at the time), I heard Bryan Adams' Thought I'd Died And Gone To Heaven on the radio while I was decorating the Christmas tree. I hadn't heard that song in *years*, I thought everyone had forgotten about it. That was one of my favourite Bryan Adams songs in the mid-'90s, and the only reason I never bought a compilation of his, is that none of them seemed to include that song. So that was a nice blast from the past!

Enjoyed the Wembley highlights on Radio 2 this evening, which brought back some great memories and made me want to jump and dance again (soooo hope they keep certain songs in the setlist for next year). But only including half of the amazing UTEOTW / NYD combo was just WRONG. And they missed out the lovely falsetto-y Bad as well. :(

Oh yeah, this one...
First sentence/idea of the first entry of each month.

This survey never works, so this year I actually attempted to start each month with something meaningful, to summarise a key event or feeling at that particular time.

Unfortunately I forgot after a while. You can probably tell when. :P


JANUARY
Welcome to a brand new year / A time when most are keen to revel / But I'm quite happy staying here / To celebrate with an amorous devil...

FEBRUARY
Gutted! Apparently my U2JAM account has expired, and the only way to renew is to pay a monthly fee.

MARCH
U2 Fortnight... I've got a lot of catching up to do.

APRIL
I am so, so sick of coughing. 8/

MAY
I keep dreaming of rock stars this week!

JUNE
Yay, belated birthday pressies!

JULY
I'd been wandering around for a few minutes this morning, when I glanced down and noticed something dark on my nightdress.

AUGUST
Boo, tickets still have not arrived.

SEPTEMBER
Yesterday I finally got round to listening to that Sheffield concert which I recorded off the radio.

OCTOBER
Annabel vs The Internet was funny this evening, trying to recreate the chat room experience on the London Underground.

NOVEMBER
Yesterday's post gave me a fanfic idea...

DECEMBER
We braved the wind and rain last night to go and see Madness at the BIC.


At least it successfully illustrates that it was a U2 Year!

"This Is It" is on the radio! Wow!

---

"This Is It" по радио! Ого!

Woohoo, more lovely cards! *happy dance* Thank you bonoffee and maid_ov_metal! ♥

EDIT, the next day: standing on the other side of the window where our cards are displayed, I just noticed the "Designed by Mark Powell... and Stacey" on the back of Zed's. *g*

Uh-oh, I would die to see it with my own eyes! Lucky Germans who were in front of the stage :D





Ух-ох, как бы я хотела это увидеть своими глазами! Повезло же немцам, кто стоял у сцены :D

I'll follow the tradition and do this meme again (2008, 2007). But this time I'll extend it a bit. I'll find the first entry of each month and write its subject, first sentence, mood and music :D

January
01.01.2009
I want to learn how to work in Flash.
horny

Yriy Antonov @ 1st channel

February
01.02.2009 - Shelfari
Not a long time I wrote about book site.
okay


( and more... )

---

Продолжу традицию и снова заполню это меме (2008, 2007). Только расширю его чуток. Найду первую запись каждого месяца и выпишу из нее заголовок, первое предложение, настроение и музыку :D

Январь
01.01.2009
Я очень хочу научиться Flash.
horny

Yriy Antonov @ 1st channel

Февраль
01.02.2009 - Shelfari
Не так давно я писала о книжном сайте.
okay


( и дальше... )

We went to a quiz last night, won 3 out of 4 rounds which was good. However, I was really pissed off just as we were leaving. We were exchanging Christmas wishes with our teammates (Dad's friend and his wife); the latter told me she hoped Father Christmas brings me what I want, and then her husband pipes up with "Unfortunately he can't bring you Bono! Then again, maybe if you wish hard enough..." WTF is that supposed to mean??? He was joking, whatever, but I don't actually get the joke or find it even slightly funny, because what makes him think I would want Bono for Christmas in the first place? Just because I'm a U2 fan, does he assume I must fancy Bono? Where has this assumption come from? How many other people think this?? Does my Dad even think this?? That really bloody annoys me. Back in the day when I was an F1 fan who supported Jacques Villeneuve, there were a few occasions when I got the impression people thought I fancied him or something, and that infuriated me too. Am I not allowed to be a fan of anyone without people getting the wrong idea? Jeez. I'm not that frigging shallow. >:/

The other big shock of the evening was the axeing of the Barfleur! Can't believe that's going, the announcement has come so out of the blue. Not that I was particularly planning on going again (twice was once too many - there is almost nothing to do in Cherbourg), but still. Our ferries are part of the town! My old classroom at PGS was named after that ship (IIRC)! And Dad goes quite often and brings back exotic cakes for us. At least we still have the fast craft in the summer I suppose. :/

Speaking of shock news, I'm amazed the Facebook campaign to defeat The X-Factor actually worked....! What a result! Let's hope it's the beginning of the end for that dreadful show and its chart dominance - there's no reason this can't happen every year now. :)

Why will LJ not keep me logged in any more????? Grrrrrrr!

It's officially Christmas now I've watched the Father Ted Christmas Special. :D  I know the whole thing off by heart, I've seen it so many times, and yet it still makes me laugh every year...

Is there anybody who understand technological texts? I even can't say what field it is, because I can't understand whether it's mechanics or physics. I tried to search these weird words in Google, but I still have no clue what it is about.

I need to know what this text is about. I mean what is the object which mechanism or installation or manufacture was described in the text? What did they do using this way?

( Here you go )

---

Есть ли кто-нибудь из вас, кто разбирается в технических текстах? Мне даже не сказать какая отрасль, ибо не могу понять механика ли это или физика. Я пробовала искать эти мудреные термины в гугле, но мне все равно непонятно о чем речь.

Мне нужно просто узнать о чем текст. Т.е. устройство или производство чего именно описано в тексте? Что изготавливают подобным образом?

Я перевела текст с полным непониманием, поэтому если люди знающие видят там нечто, что в принципе невозможно, то вы мне скажите :D Оригинал выше.

( Вот мой перевод )

We had to wait almost the half of the year to watch this movie in DVD-quality and without terrible Russian cinema dubbing. But it was worth waiting! The movie is really good. There is a good script, amazing acting and interesting and funny situations. It is not boring at all. The story itself isn't new, but unlike other movies with a similar plot there is no fake in their relationships and you don't want to shout "I don't believe in it!". It's a very nice movie, it improves your mood and leaves a lovely feeling after watching.

---

Нам пришлось ждать почти полгода, чтобы посмотреть этот фильм в нормальном ДВД-шном качестве и без убогого кинотеаторного дубляжа. Но это стоило того! Фильм оказался очень хорошим. Хороший сценарий, превосходная игра актеров и интересные и смешные ситуации. Совершенно не скучный и не затянутый фильм. Сама история не нова, но в отличии от других фильмов в подобным сюжетом здесь совершенно нет никакой искусственной наигранности, когда хочется сказать "Не верю!". Очень милый фильм, отлично поднимает настроение и оставляет приятное чувство после просмотра.

Edit: It seems they fixed the earlier "certificate error" problem; I am not getting it popping up anymore.

Hey guys,

Tourism New Zealand is hosting a film contest, judged by Peter Jackson (yea, that one) and produced by Barrie Osborne (a produer on LOTR). Basically the film contest is for NZ, and the film has to be 3 minutes long. 5 people- 1 voted on by the public- get to actually go to NZ and film their movie if selected.

So I would be really, really grateful if you could vote for my film. Now, to vote, you need to register with your name and email address (basically to prevent spam-voting). And, for US residents, there's something in it for you! Tourism New Zealand is giving away 5 sets of two plane tickets to New Zealand to everyone who votes! I don't know why it's US only (sorry my international friends), but for everyone else, this is something extra for you! And to the rest of the world, I hope you can vote for me out of the goodness and love of your heart? Signing up, confirming that you are a real person, and voting takes only a couple of minutes!

Also, uh, tell your friends! Your family! Your cat! Anyone :) And thank you so, so much in advance- I really appreciate it! You all know I want to be in the film industry, and, well, if you could help me get there, that would be amazing. Thanks!

Yay! Fankyew hazeln for Cwissmas card! 8)))

2009 wasn't all great, but it was certainly packed with LOLZ. So many things have cracked me up this year. I said I should compile a top 10, and dammit I have done!


10. Shooting Stars

Vic & Bob's hilariously surreal panel gameshow returned for its sixth series after an absence of 7 years. True, it's not what it once was. Jack Dee is a poor substitute for Lamarr and Self, and I was pleased they axed Johnny Vegas (I never liked the idea of having one permanent team member, especially as he wasn't that funny) but unfortunately they replaced him with a weird comedy character who was even worse. Also I was glad to see the Dove From Above return, but disappointed that they didn't actually have a special prize behind any of the options (despite going through the usual "ERANU" introduction to the round). And some of the gags just fell flat or were repeated to death.
That said, it still had its moments of pure gold. Vic's ever more creative descriptions of Jack's misery were hysterical (I particularly remember the wonderful line "Jack Dee, with your face like an abandoned walnut"), and Episode 3 on 9th September was especially brilliant from start to finish. Sadly that one isn't on YouTube (it's the one with Julia Bradbury, Martin Freeman and Paddy Considine, if anyone starts uploading them later) and I can't remember all the bits that made me laugh, but I did completely piss myself when George Dawes came out with the jingle from the Moonpig.com adverts. :D  Oh, and I actually recognised 'Don't You Want Me' straight away in the Club Singer round, which nobody else got, and Mum was bewildered as to how on earth I knew what it was. *g*

Runner-up in the Big Dumb Comedy category: Total Wipeout, which you probably have your own version of, whichever country you're living in! You wouldn't think people attempting a stupid obstacle course and falling into mud would keep being fresh and funny week after week, but somehow it worked. The pure slapstick combined with Hammond's witty commentary and Amanda's inappropriate sniggering, made it perfect mindless entertainment on a Saturday evening, especially if we were tired after coming home from a walk. And occasionally a contestant would do something truly amazing. I loved it when that guy Chris crossed the big red balls with the most astonishing agility in the series finale - Hammond's classic spit-take was the only appropriate reaction!!


9. Star Trek

Loved this movie, which was 100% better than I ever expected it to be. It immediately became my third favourite Star Trek film (after Generations and The Voyage Home), and part of its success was due to its utter hilarity in a number of scenes. I would go into more detail, except I've only seen it once, 7 months ago, so I can't actually remember much off the top of my head. The scene that really stands out in my memory was when Bones has injected Kirk with a vaccine in order to smuggle him aboard the Enterprise, and he suffers a bad reaction to it. Bones was so, so funny in this sequence (channelling the original actor brilliantly!), from his "Don't be such an infant" before giving Kirk a sedative, to his "Good god, man!" when suddenly noticing his hands have ballooned in size. Then chasing Kirk around the ship, repeatedly stabbing him with hyposprays while he's trying to do important things (I loved Kirk's "STOP that!!" after the umpteenth one of these). And finally Kirk trying to have a vital conversation with Uhura - it was so funny how she just cuts him off mid-sentence to go "Oh my god, what's wrong with your hands?!", and then Kirk's attack of "numb-tongue" while he's trying to establish if a ship was Romulan, but all he can keep repeating is "WOMUWAN!" and she has no idea what he's saying. *g* That whole scene was just one LOL after another - great casting, great script and great execution! Wish I could find a clip of it online.


8. Incompetence

2003 novel by genius Red Dwarf creator Rob Grant. My colleague lent me this book in May and it was, literally, laugh-out-loud hilarious. If you enjoy the humour of Red Dwarf you will definitely enjoy this, it's written in a very similar style (in fact I couldn't get Rimmer's voice out of my head for the first few pages). The book is set in the not-too-distant future when incompetence prevails in the United States of Europe because it's illegal to refuse employment on the grounds of having no relevant skill. Some of the jokes were actually scary because I really have observed things going this way IRL! *shudder* (Just the other day we hired a car with a ridiculous computer system that seemed more appropriate for the fucking space shuttle - you needed a degree in nuclear physics just to figure out how to change the clock. It reminded me so much of the car hire scene from this book!) Apart from the satire, it also has some brilliant slapstick humour which you can visualise perfectly, thanks to Grant's experience in writing sitcom scripts. There's one chapter in which the protagonist has to jump aboard a speeding train, that had me pissing myself and cackling uncontrollably as I sat in bed reading it - especially the part where he's trying to get someone to "open the fuuuuckkkiiiinng doooooor!" but they seem to be the most useless lip-reader and quite oblivious to his blatant peril. You really have to read it yourself. *g*

Honourable mentions in the Literary Humour category: Ring Of Bright Water had some really funny bits, most memorably in Chapter 9 when the author recalls smuggling his pet otter Mijbil onto an overnight train. Mij got hold of the cord which would sound the communication bell and potentially bring the whole train to a stop, and Maxwell's desperate struggle to prevent this (he resorts to tickling Mij when all else fails!) is described in highly entertaining detail. :D
Elsewhere, Great Expectations is packed full of gloriously dry, sarcastic wit, which I have *no* recollection of noticing when we studied it for GCSE! The humour feels unexpectedly modern, it really took me by surprise in a good way. I had Charles Dickens all wrong before - I may have found this book difficult and dull when I was 14, but I have the greatest admiration for his writing style now!


7. Robin Hood episode reviews

Series 3 of Robin Hood was a huge, huge mistake. (Well, no: killing off Marian at the end of series 2 was a huge, huge mistake. Series 3 would have been welcomed with open arms if they hadn't done that.) Watching this once-marvellous programme limp slowly towards the axe, and indeed triple-somersault a few more sharks along the way, was nothing short of painful. The silver lining to all of this? The fans on LJ mercilessly ripping each sorry episode to pieces in ever more amusing ways. chaucerettescs in particular had me in hysterics with her screencap-filled posts mocking the two-part finale - the photoshopped Batman comics with Gizzy and Kate still completely slay me! ("MY BRUVAH IS DEEAAAAAAAD!!!" "I'm a monster." Bwahahaha!!) Also: "I'm not saying her brother's murder was trivial or that it should be forgiven. What I am saying is that Kate is a fucking moron." Amen to that, sister. And LOLOL at "Guy of Gisborne, THIS IS YOUR LIFE!"
Another of my favourite posts was this one by oh_so_normal, which was a review of the finale and general rant about how the show went down the toilet this series. It featured such wonderful quotes as "It just felt like she was yet another character that could have gone somewhere this year, but then turned right instead of left and ended up living in her kitchen with Bernard Cribbins and missing out on all the adventures she could have had." --and-- "I think we still could have ended up where we did. Guy and Robin could still have had their lovely little friendship and gone off to taverns and worn pimp coats and used accents and thrown bread and things. They could have done without the brother of DOOM and the back-story of RANDOM BULLSHIT WE FOUND IN A SHOE."

In a similar vein, I adore redscharlach's Merlin episode reviews which are full of amusing observations, witty one-liners and well-chosen screencaps / image macros!


6. Oz & James

The ultimate odd couple, TV's Oz Clarke and Top Gear's James May (awesome in absolutely every show he does) teamed up for a third booze-based series this year, Oz & James Drink To Britain. Their continued bickering and drunken mishaps proved hilarious once again, most especially in the Dublin episode when they found a Romanian setting on their SatNav, which appeared to keep saying "shits" and "arse" every few words! This led them into such stomach-splitting, oxygen-deprived mirth that Oz could do nothing but rock back and forth hysterically in the passenger seat, while James started to worry he would crash the car from laughing so hard. And it was incredibly contagious. *g* The next day it popped into my head while I was out in public and I was so close to LOLing like a weirdo, I could not get the smirk off my face!
Aha, it's even on YouTube, hurrah!! You need to watch from about 2 minutes into that clip. (If I'm not mistaken you can even see them drive past The Clarence at one point!)

James May's Toy Stories has also been predictably fabulous, well worth the wait. :D


5. Autumnwatch - the very greedy mouse

Hands down one of the funniest things I've seen this year, was a wonderful viewer video sent in to Autumnwatch. A greedy woodmouse had climbed inside this lady's bird feeder, gorged himself on the nuts inside, and then found he was too fat to squeeze back out through the same hole! It was exactly like in Winnie The Pooh And The Honey Tree when Winnie The Pooh eats too much and gets stuck in Rabbit's front door. *g* Absolutely priceless! The image of the little mouse trying to heave himself out will stay with me for a long time, and I love the fact there was a moral to the story. :)  (The lady eventually took pity on him and freed him from the bird feeder, so it's all good!) You can see a very brief clip of it in this montage of the series' best bits, at 1:26. It's so true, animals do the funniest things....
Springwatch & Autumnwatch Unsprung were also just hilarious in general, with the inevitable chaos of having no real script or timings worked out! The new team worked really well this year, it's now impossible to imagine the show without Chris Packham and Martin Hughes-Games. (MHG for Twelve!)


4. Gary & Stouffer - Lonely

Harry Hill's sidekick Stouffer (the blue cat) and Gary (the controller of Channel 4) duet on rapper Akon's 2005 hit 'Lonely'.



I'm not sure I could describe the mirth which occurred when I stumbled across this on YouTube. Even by Harry Hill's standards (and I'm talking about his genius C4 show from the late '90s, not his "mainstream" ITV work), this is Random with an enormous capital R. Like, what the hell was it even for?! Too much time on his hands one evening? *g* What makes it so damn funny is how well it actually works! The voices seem to fit them perfectly, I can totally believe that is Stouffer rapping, and creepy Gary doing the Bobby Vinton chipmunk vocal - I especially love the way his neck elongates for the high notes. *pmsl* I'm quite in awe of Harry's skills here, he manages to get them both lip-synching different parts simultaneously at the end, with almost total accuracy - that's way harder than patting your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time! The fact you can just glimpse him in the background looking totally focused and serious makes it all the funnier. :D

Also cracking me up was this clip I found from the aforementioned C4 show. (R.I.P. Teletext, I'm gonna miss you like crazy!!) The Gary part is the best - "I've written to her, but they won't let her reply!" "You mucking plastard!!" Seriously one of my all-time favourite programmes. *g*

Sorted. Respect due.


3. Willie's Tour Diary

Well, what can I say that hasn't already been said about Mr Willie Williams. U2 would be *nothing* without this man. OK, that's not strictly true, but they sure as hell wouldn't be the U2 that I know and love. And to this day he enriches my fandom enormously, not just because he designs the shows and everything, but through his utterly fabulous journal entries on U2.com. I swear they get funnier and funnier. I read every one this year and *died* laughing on more than one occasion. Well worth the membership fee on their own! (If you want to read them in order (mostly - a few are jumbled up wrong), this year's entries start on page 7 with 'View From The Corridor'.) There have been so many highlights, it's hard to pick out just a few, but I do remember laughing myself sick over the Chicago entries, which are probably best reproduced in their entirety:

( ''It took us about 20 minutes to realise that all the while we'd been walking in entirely the wrong direction. Gutted'' )

( ''I almost had a heart attack going into the bathroom and seeing a severed leg lying on the floor'' )

Other favourites would have to include the £80.17 accidental laundry incident in London (you'll laugh, you'll cringe!) and the lunatic driver for the runner back to Manhattan. :D  Oh, and the whole series of entries from deepest darkest Mexico! ("The general rule of thumb on a U2 tour is that Bono gets the biggest suite but in return all the meetings happen there. My wondering what magnitude of accommodation he must have in this situation was well founded as it turned out that the resort's 'Presidential Suite' was on its own island.")

Willie's diary has also included classic quotes such as these --
~ "It turned out to be very productive, though somehow I ended up riding a bicycle round the b-stage with Bono riding pillion on the back, which rather wigged out some of the crew (and it's a very good job that the tour insurers weren't present.) Mind you, if we'd plummeted to our deaths, at least I would have made the papers ('A roadie was also killed in the tragic accident...')."
~ "We were picked up at the airport which was just as well as I only realised on arrival that Sweden isn't in the Euro so I have no workable currency. I wonder if it's going to be possible to spend three days here without needing any money? I shall look upon it as a challenge."
~ "The Ullevi Stadium is 'saddle' shaped (or 'Pringle' shaped, for fans of potato-based snack-products)"
~ "I did my best, but by 2am (8am by my body clock) the floor had turned to sponge and I was all but hallucinating, so went to find myself a runner van to chauffer my corpse back to the Hotel Fabulous."
~ "En route back to the hotel I passed the Museum of Ontario which is currently displaying the Dead Seas Scrolls, so I felt that it would be rude not to pop in. Unfortunately the scroll exhibit was closed today due to their being at the dry cleaners or something"
~ "I had a moment of concern in that the stage was engineered for four people, so I did wonder how it would fare with a couple of hundred all over it. In particular, I kept a close eye on the bridges to see if they looked like they were distorting lest they collapse, which would have been potentially hilarious, though not terribly helpful for the gig."
~ "The stand-ins were bundled up against the weather to the point where they would really only serve as a useful reference if members of U2 decided to do their performance dressed as Kenny from Southpark."

The funniest thing is how strongly some of Willie's anecdotes reminded me of the farcical situations in the book I mentioned earlier, Incompetence. His experience of the Hotel Complicated was exactly like one of the early chapters in that book, and more recently he mentioned losing a pair of shoes on his travels, which is also a recurring theme in the story!! Talk about hilarious worlds colliding. I even sent Willie an email recommending the novel to him, saying I thought he would appreciate it, although by his own admission he gets swamped with emails on tour and barely gets a chance to skim through them all, let alone reply! But I do hope he reads the book. *g*

On the subject of U2, I also saw this Bono interview for the first time, and was immediately reduced to hysterics by his driving skills or lack thereof. ("Oh, I'm on the wrong side of the street. Sorry.") Love the way the interviewer can't stop laughing in disbelief over this near-death experience, while Bono is an absolute picture of calm as this clearly happens to him all the time. *g*


2. Jeremy Clarkson Beatbox

Built to... mash your mind up.



This is easily the single most amazing thing I've seen all year, probably all decade, probably one of the top five things I've seen in my whole life. Swede Mason really does have waaaayyyyy too much time on his hands, but what a fucking talent! To even think of creating such a thing is genius - to execute the idea so masterfully is just beyond description. The 2800+ awestruck comments pretty much say it all:
"This has literally made my life better. Thank you."
"This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Ever."
Couldn't agree more!!

Most people have picked out quotes like "Where the hell's that bass coming from?!", "That is absolutely epic", and the slightly mind-melting "powerslide powerslide powerslide powerslide..." Which are all indeed awesome, but my personal favourite part is "To be honest, I don't really like any of this electronic stuff, but I will admit, when it all comes together, the effect is, um... profound." So ridiculously appropriate. *g*
I also love the bit with Jeremy's sound effects followed by "STOP BUZZING!!!", lol. :D

There is seriously nothing not to love about this video. It is 100% perfect and so, so hilarious, no matter how many times you watch it!

"Nothing like Verdi's Requiem. Three minutes, bish bash bosh, big smile on your face - The End."


1. Annabel vs The Internet

This was a feature dreamed up by Geoff Lloyd for his hometime show on Absolute Radio, and although I've been thoroughly enjoying his random ideas for a decade now, this is surely one of his finest. It was on just after 7:30 each weekday evening, which happened to coincide with me getting dressed in my room after my bath, hence how I originally caught it by accident. The premise is that Geoff's sidekick Annabel Port is somewhat wary of Internet phenomena such as Facebook and Twitter, so each week Geoff would think of something that most people use the Internet for, and challenge Annabel to accomplish the same thing without using computers at all! The results were varied, to say the least, and really must be heard to be appreciated. They were frequently made more hilarious by Nelson the producer cackling uncontrollably in the background, not to mention Annabel's own explosive guffaw which cracks me up every time, as well as her pained "ooooooohhh!" whenever Geoff came up with something she didn't like the sound of. *g*

Annabel vs the Internet started on 20th July and featured a total of 20 challenges, continuing until the week before Christmas. Highlights have included...
~ Everyone's amazement at the success of Annabel's very first day attempting to recreate Twitter IRL, when she actually managed to gain two followers in the space of as many hours! Also her description of trying to retrieve her Twitter page from its hiding place ("So I was on my hands and knees, lunchtime, in Carnaby Street, next to a sapling, trying to pull something out of a pipe poking out of the ground...") And her experience of clutching a hand-written sign for an hour by a surprisingly-frequently-emptied bin in Piccadilly Circus!
~ Annabel's visit to a skate park, wobbling along on her pink Hello Kitty age-5-and-up foldable micro-scooter from Argos, hunched over the too-low handlebars whilst drinking her unexpectedly expensive can of Pepsi Max... priceless. *g* And her excruciating experience in a skate shop on the last day of the YouTube challenge! ("I mumble, my friend's dad's named Roger..." LOLOL!)
~ Annabel: "I do ring them - it turns out their information office doesn't open till 3pm! Who starts work at 3pm?!" Geoff (quietly): "I do..." Annabel: "Oh" (shrieks with laughter) :D
~ Pretty much the whole of the Wikipedia challenge, which was just spectacular. "Hello, I'm doing a project on Hell's Angels!" "Well I only need the bit on gases, so I say, can I just buy F to H?"
~ Annabel's impressive performance on the MySpace challenge, especially her incredibly headsticky song 'The Internet' ("With Google there's more showing off than with those Beckhams / I don't need to know it found those sites in 0.33692 seconds...") and her free gig!
~ The whole eBay challenge, which had me literally crying with laughter from start to finish! "The next place I go to, I can say - I've had this valued at Sotheby's!" "And I say, oh, is Mick about? Eel Mick? Mick the Eel?" "PRWAN!" This one was my overall favourite I think. *g*
( More highlights behind the cut... )

And here they are, the full set of Annabel Portcasts for your enjoyment! (Hopefully these links are correct - I haven't actually bothered checking them all.)
Week 1: Annabel vs Twitter
Week 2: Annabel vs YouTube
Week 3: Annabel vs Wikipedia
Week 4: Annabel vs Friends Reunited *
Week 5: Annabel vs MySpace
Week 6: Annabel vs eBay
Week 7: Annabel vs the IMDb
Week 8: Annabel vs celebrity gossip sites
Week 9: Annabel vs World of Warcraft
Week 10: Annabel vs Flickr
Week 11: Annabel vs Amazon
Week 12: Annabel vs chat rooms
Week 13: Annabel vs online conspiracy theories
Week 14: Annabel vs news sites
Week 15: Annabel vs health forums
Week 16: Annabel vs anonymous blogging
Week 17: Annabel vs Google Images
Week 18: Annabel vs fan forums
Week 19: Annabel vs Facebook
Week 20: Annabel vs Google
* I never did manage to find a Friends Reunited edition of the Annabel Portcast, but you can hear it in the general show podcasts for that week - Monday (starts 32:00) / Tuesday (starts 33:39) / Wednesday (starts 42:55) / Thursday (starts 38:33). I missed the original broadcast as I was busy preparing for, and seeing, U2 at Wembley, so I've only just heard it recently!

The feature has definitely run its course now. In truth it's been running out of steam for a while - I began to sense a lack of fresh ideas (is there anything left on the Internet they haven't covered?), and rather like Top Gear, it started to become too self-consciously wacky instead of genuinely trying to achieve something. I wasn't at all surprised when Geoff said they'd be winding it up at the end of the year, I think that's a wise decision (although the final Google deathmatch was a fine return to form *g*). But those early challenges were just pure, unadulterated brilliance - one of my very favourite things of 2009, for sure. :D  I hope they come up with something equally entertaining for Annabel to do next year... I really liked the previous feature A Pause for Port as well, and Annabel's Friday Song which I occasionally caught when they used to do the breakfast show, so I have absolute confidence in her comedic talents. She rocks. *g*


In a year that's been incredibly stressful and depressing at times, I'm glad I've had so many great laughs to balance it out. May 2010 be just as amusing!

This article is actually for my website, but I like it so let it be here too :P
I love her <3 Alot.

P!nk opens up to Women's Health magazine in the January/February issue about relationships, her alter ego and her thoughts on Britney.

WH: Is 'P!nk' your version of Sasha Fierce [Beyonce's alter ego]?
P!nk: [Laughs] No! P!nk is just me. Chi-Chi Marie is my Sasha Fierce. My girlfriends in New York named me that. All of their middle names are Marie. Mine's Beth, but to them I'm Chi-Chi Marie.

WH: When you were making the album Funhouse, weren't you pissed at Carey?
P!nk: No, I wasn't [Big sigh] Long-term relationships are a layered onion. There's something about him I love, and I want him to be OK, even if he's not with me.

WH: Tell the secret behind P!nk's recent softer look
P!nk: Last year, when I was going through my separation [from competitive motocross racer Carey Hart], I was in Malibu running every day just to keep from burying myself in the sand—to get out, feel the ocean. You've got to make yourself feel good at times like that. Even if it's a pain in the ass and you hate working out, the endorphins and the stress you bring down [help]. You feel strong, healthy. You feel good about yourself, your jeans fit.

WH: Britney—isn't she one of the girls you sing about in "Stupid Girls?"
P!nk: I've always liked Britney. I swear to God, I've stuck up for Britney since the beginning. She and I have talked about it. My point was, ‘Stop comparing he to her, because we're different animals.'


P!nk has jumped into the Britney Spears lip-synching saga by saying she would never go to a concert where the performer wasn't singing live.

The 30-year-old rocker tells Women's Health - a fitness magazine: "I'm not taking anything away from Britney because I really like her a lot, but I would never go to a show where the person was lip-synching. The star added, "When you grow up listening to Janis Joplin, you're not going to want to see somebody mime."

P!nk's heart will always be with back-on-again husband Carey Hart, even as she promotes her new Funhouse album in Europe. But it hasn't been an easy road.

"When I met Carey, I was an abused puppy in the corner, ready to bite anyone who put their hand out," the singer, 30, tells Women's Health for its January/February cover story. "He was the first man I was with who allowed me to take a deep breath and close my eyes and fall backwards."

The sometimes rosy-haired rocker married the motocross racer in a posh wedding in Costa Rica in 2006, only to split two years later, while P!nk was working on her new album. But love has since blossomed again, with the pair's reconciliation earlier this year.

Now, P!nk says Hart has helped her open her heart fully to love.

"Most of the time, he was there. That's more than I can say about others," she tells the magazine. "My heart was like this clenched fist. And even after he broke my heart, still, I had two bigger halves. I have more capacity to love and be loved."

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Статью переводила для сайта, но мне она понравилась, так что будет и здесь :P
Люблю ее <3 Очень.

Пинк раскрывает секреты журналу Women’s Health о проблеме в отношениях, своем альтер эго и мнении о Бритни.

WH: "Пинк" - это твоя версия Саши Фиерс [Альтер эго Бьонсе]?
Пинк: [смеется] Нет! Пинк - это просто я. Чи-чи Мари - вот это моя Саша Фиерс. Мои подруги из Нью-Йорка назвали меня так. Все их вторые имена были Мари. А мое Бэт, но для них я Чи-Чи Мари.

WH: Когда ты записывала альбом Funhouse, ты была очень зла на Кэри?
Пинк: Нет, не была [тяжело вздыхает] Длительные отношения похожи на луковицу, у которой много слоев. В Кэри есть нечто, что я люблю, и я хочу, чтобы с ним было все в порядке, даже если он не со мной.

WH: В чем секрет твоего более нежного внешнего вида?
Пинк: В прошлом году, когда я переживала разрыв с Кэри, я была в Малибу и ходила на пробежки каждый день, чтобы хоть как-либо отвлечься от действительности. Я дышала морским воздухом. Тебе приходится силой заставлять себя чувствовать хорошо в такие моменты. Даже если это безумно тяжело и ты ненавидишь заниматься спортом, эндорфины подавляют твой стресс. Ты чувствуешь себя сильной, здоровой. Ты довольна собой и твои джинсы на тебя налезают.

WH: Бритни - не одна ли она из тех девочек, о которых ты поешь в "Stupid Girls"?
Пинк: Я всегда говорила, что Бритни мне нравится. Клянусь, я была на ее стороне с самого начала. Она и я это уже обсуждали. Но моя точка зрения такова: "Перестаньте сравнивать меня и ее, потому что мы разные животные".


Пинк только осудила сагу о том, что Бритни Спирс поет под фонограмму, сказав, что она бы никогда не пошла на концерт, где исполнитель бы не пел вживую. 30-летняя рок-певица ответила Women’s Health:

"Я ничего не скрываю от Бритни, потому что она мне очень нравится, но я бы никогда не пошла на концерт, где бы певец пел под фотограмму". Пинк добавила: "Когда ты взрослеешь, слушая Дженис Джоплин, тебе не хочется идти смотреть на того, кто просто шевелит губами".

Сердце Пинк снова и всегда будет принадлежать ее мужу Кэри Харту, даже несмотря на то, что она продвигает свой альбом Funhouse в Европе. Но не все было так просто.

"Когда я встретила Кэри, я была замученным щенком, который забился в угол и был готов укусить каждого, кто приблизит свою руку", - говорит Пинк, "Он был первым мужчиной, с которым я могла глубоко вздохнуть, закрыть глаза и упасть навзничь, доверившись ему".

Некогда розоволосая певица вышла замуж за этого мотоциклиста, устроив роскошную свадьбу на побережье Коста Рика в 2006 году, но два года спустя, они расстались в то время как Пинк начала работу над своим новым альбомом. Но любовь вновь расцвела и пара помирилась в начале этого года.

Сейчас Пинк говорит, что Кэри помог ей полностью открыть свое сердце любви.

"Он практически все время был рядом со мной. Это больше, чем я могу сказать о других", - рассказывает она журналу, - "Мое сердце было подобно крепко сжатому кулаку. И даже после того, как он разбил мне сердце, от него все еще остались две большие половинки. Мне этого достаточно, чтобы любить и быть любимой".